Thursday, October 29, 2015

Leaning in and stepping on FEAR

I love Brene Brown. I would love to meet her and have a chat over coffee about authenticity and vulnerability. I think she'd be wonderfully supportive and a great asset to have around this week. But I don't know Ms. Brown...and all I can say is that this has been one hell of a week!



I have cried more times than I can count...all publicly...and all unabashedly (this is new for me). At one point a friend (whom I had already cried on and hugged publicly earlier in the week) saw me at the grocery store and asked how I was doing, and this was my answer...

"I'm better, good, today, better, ok, today good, ok." 

Thankfully I think she only caught the first part of my odd ramble because I continued to walk and smile...until that moment I thought I was ok, it was right about then that I realized...nope...still not ok. (Thanks Kelly, that's two crazies you got out of me this week!)

We are so excited about this next step in our lives, but we majorly underestimated the physical and emotional toll it was going to take on us. Jon is retiring from his dream career after 23 years, 10 years shy of what he planned on. I am leaving a place I love and people I love. My children are leaving the place that they really know as home. And it's really really hard!

So I'm taking advice from other bloggers out there...the first one come from Be More With Less, and it is Lean Into It. (And I am trying.) Instead of falling into old habits; hiding, closing up and in, getting anxious and taking it out on my loved ones...I am leaning into it. I'm talking about it, I am staying active, I am making sure I see everyone, and I am laughing, crying, talking, hugging...and anything else that will help me through this part of the journey. 

You're gonna have fear anyway, right? Might as well use it to your advantage! This advice comes from Tuesdays with Laurie, and I LOVE it. Yes, step on it. Be afraid, then walk right up on and over the fear. Right now I'm picturing the ramp up to the ferry on Wednesday, instead of steps. Whatever works, right? Every time I begin to panic about what we're doing, I will picture myself walking right up that ferry ramp of fear and doubt.

I still know that what we're doing is right for us. I know it's right for Jon to slow down and be a full time member of our family again. I know that we don't get many chances in life to slow down and focus on happiness, joy, fun, love and family. I know that the biggest regret of my life (maybe the only) would be NOT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. 

I know in the deepest parts of my body that this is right...
but it's still hard.

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